Wednesday, January 8, 2014

2014


Unemployment is soul-crushing.

I am lucky to have a family and friends who remind me that I am valuable, and a boyfriend who reminds me every day that this won't last forever. Because I forget sometimes.
(And I'm a serious joy to be around in the meantime.)

I was raised to believe that if I worked hard, I could be anything. I could do anything. If I was willing to put in the work, everything would be okay. I never seriously considered the possibility that no one would let me work. I never considered the possibility that I would have a $300,000 piece of paper that would be completely, totally, absolutely useless.

I guess I could have, oh I don't know, read something about the economy.
(What is this, a center for ants?! How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?)

How does this affect running a style blog? Well, sometimes I don't get dressed. But mostly I do, so that's not it. Boyfriend just bought a sweet giant leaning mirror, so iPhone pics would be easy. And mom sends me Kohl's cash, so sometimes I can even shop.

The problem is that I'm just not strong enough to hang out here right now.
I can't check in with you guys in your cute clothes with your funny stories and your general awesomeness. And it's not you, it's me. Because I know that blogs are only a piece, and usually just the very best piece, of our lives. That's why they're fun.

But I don't have it in me to see everyone else's very best when a lot of me feels like the very worst.
I hope that goes away soon. I hope I can start building the life I thought I would have at 25 sometime in the year I turn 26. I hope I can come back to this place of frivolous, silly, daily amazingness.

But *cue dramatic background noises* today is not that day.

See you soon? See you later?
I hope you're all having a kickass 2014. <--- zero sarcasm. For serious. I like you guys.

22 comments

  1. just thought i'd come out from lurking to say hi... and to keep your head up. especially with this chicago weather right now... it's easy to fall in a trap of blah. but your family and your boyfriend are spot on. it won't last forever, and you'll come out on top! i am only a few years older than you, but i remember how 25 felt, and to me it felt like adolescence round 2. damn that quarter life crisis! but think of how far you have come (that $300k paper is also the sign of a LOT of hard work, time dedicated, stress felt... and accomplishment). if you can do all of that, you can certainly do what you need to get the life you want. i enjoy reading your blog and hope when you're feeling more up about things that you'll come back in full force!

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  2. I'm in a very different place than you are right now, but in some ways, also very similar. I'm so tired of comparing my life to other people's. I'm so tired of thinking I';m proud of something & then seeing someone who's doing something different or better & berating myself for not being more like them. "Comparison is the thief" of joy is my ne wlife mantra.

    Sending you good vibes & luck & love & hoping a great job comes your way very soon.

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  3. I completely understand where you are coming from. I am in the same boat (graduated from law school in May, passed my state's bar at the end of August, and every job prospect I've had has fallen through). I just keep telling myself that something will happen eventually so I don't get too depressed about the whole situation. I think I hate it most when you tell people you are still looking for work and they respond with "you should be networking" (like I didn't already know that!) I hope knowing you aren't alone helps a little bit. I love your blog and when I read you are in the same boat I found it comforting if that makes any sense. Wish you the best of luck and hope you return to blogging soon!

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  4. I will also come out from my infrequent commenting to say 'keep your head up - everything will work out'! I am in a totally different phase of life (in my 40's - wanna swap??) and not sure why I even read your blog except I just totally love your sense of humour. Obviously I don't know you but, from what I can see through your writing, you have a whole ton of talent and I have zero doubt about you being able to achieve whatever you want. Everybody goes through phases of feeling less than though. Everybody. I gave up comparison after I started reading time and time again of people who I admired and thought had absolutely everything worked out would admit their feelings of insecurity and so on. The internet has a lot of bad on it but that little part has been life changing for me. Let it do that for you too. Seek out other people in your situation so you don't feel alone. If you can learn that at 25 you will be WAY ahead of most people in learning to be content and satisfied no matter what stage you find yourself in. Sending you virtual (totally non creepy stalker style) hugs!

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation right now. Best of luck to you and I hope you land your dream job very very very soon. Keep your head up and know that there are rando internet strangers out here rooting for you! :)

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  6. Hi Sam,
    I started reading your blog recently, but this is my first comment. Thanks for your honest post. As another commenter said, "there are rando internet strangers out here rooting for you!" I am finishing up a PhD at the moment, and all any of us students hear, constantly at every turn, is how there are no jobs, how we will finish 5, 6 or 7 years worth of work only to end up floating, unprepared for non-academic gigs but prepared only for jobs that have hundreds of equally (or better) prepared applicants. You just try and keep your head up, stay positive, and keep venting when it helps, vegging when it doesn't. Getting dressed helps honestly, I find it weirdly brightens my mood just a bit after days on end in pajamas...good luck, something will turn up! 25 is a lot younger than you think it is :)
    ~Alex

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  7. I totally understand your pain. Unemployment can kill your spirit. Sometimes it takes a while too. I was unemployed for almost a year while my, then boyfriend now husband, kept getting more and more successful and I wanted to be happy for him but I was just ashamed and embarrased for myself. I did well in college and graduate school and just could not understand how no one wanted me. I found that volunteering helped me to get out of the house, gave me a reason for getting dressed and helped me do something that I actually enjoyed. Eventually I did get a job but I just really needed that time as a volunteer to feel appreciated and worthy. I hope you can find something that does that for you, I promise it will help.

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  8. I'm in Chicago too, and I've been unemployed twice in my life and both times were during the winter and it's really tough, in fact it's brutal. I found that volunteering helped me. It gave me a sense of purpose and who knows who you'll meet or what opportunities are out there while you are selflessly giving your time.

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  9. Best wishes in finding the perfect job (or at least something) soon. In the meantime, you will be missed (by random strangers on the internet). Blogging is weird.

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  10. Sam, I have now joined you in the unemployment ranks. I do not know where the money for next month's rent will come from. I'm hopeful, but honest with myself about the reality of my situation. And my thoughts about what I actually want out of this freaking life we are given have never been clearer. Good luck with your journey lady - It is my wish for you that you can find joy in this time… the here & now. P.S. if you've got some time on your hands, you are welcome to come stay with me in Nashville any time!
    xx

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  11. This sounds so similar to my own experiences. I went to college for years only to find out that teaching is no longer the recession proof job people marketed it to me as. I've had two teaching jobs since college and I've been laid off from them both. Now I am working two part-time jobs instead. I spent weeks moping about before finding the jobs I have now. It gets better, I promise. But I am sorry that you've found yourself in this unfortunate situation -- just know you're in good company.
    xx Abby | a geek tragedy

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  12. So sorry to hear this, hope things start looking up really soon! Sending positive thoughts your way, xoxo!

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  13. i've had your post up all weekend so that i could comment. when i first read it, you didn't have any comments on it yet, and i thought that was weird, because this is something so many of us can relate to in hard/deep/real ways. i'm glad to see that your comments section has filled up by today with an outpouring of others who are glad you wrote this.

    i am so glad you wrote this. blogging is such a weird thing where we put our lives out there, knowing we aren't perfect or role models or even close to having our shit together, and then sometimes it turns on us and feels like a negative thing to be a part of with all the envy and self-deprecation. honesty is what makes it (and us) worth it. sometimes getting dressed is just too much, or if we get dressed, taking photos is going too far. it feels like faking it when you're really not feeling it.

    you're so brilliant and awesome and fabulous. i know it doesn't help to have a stranger on the internet tell you that you have big things--jobs included--ahead of you, but you do. and in the meantime, you've got strangers on the internet who support you either way. hang in there and hold out for something that feels right.

    xo nicole
    writeslikeagirlblog.com

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  14. PLEASE DON'T GO FOR GOOD!!!!! I love this blog for YOU and your crazy, quicky, awesome personality... the clothes are just a bonus ;)

    I was laid off and unemployed for over a year. Not gonna lie, it SUCKED - I got depressed, gained weight, etc. But I wouldn't change it because it brought me my amazing job now and really molded me to the person I am today. That sounds SO typical, but it's true! I can see that now. But during the whole unemployment, working as a waitress again with a MASTERS education, living with my parents again, etc. it SUCKED.

    Chin up, things will get better! Me miss you here :)

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  15. Sam, you are NOT the only 25-26 year old recent law school grad I know in Chicago who is going through the EXACT SAME THING. Seriously. If you want someone to commiserate with I have a friend who lives in Lakeview who would probably love to meet you for coffee so you can talk about how much having a law degree in Chicago sucks right now. Send me an email - looplooks at gmail dot com and I can hook you up.

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  16. Noooooooo, don't go!
    Listen, you have a family and friends that love you. That right there is a huge blessing!
    You have a law degree! Some people can't even afford to go to college! You don't have a job right now, but that doesn't mean you won't have a job say, tomorrow, or next week, or next month.
    Life changes in the blink of an eye.
    I agree; take this time as a "vacation" time, to do the things you love and enjoy; volunteer; because you know why? Before you know it, you're going to have a full-time job and you're going to be so busy, that you are going to wish you have 2 seconds to yourself to breathe. :)
    You will be ok. You are more resilient than you think.
    Maybe you can blog great recipes and volunteer opportunities, or show us around Chicago. I've never been there. I'll look at pretty pictures.

    xoxoxo,
    Yessi

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  17. I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well for you right now, I appreciate your honesty here. I'm so glad you have family and a great boyfriend to support you in the midst of this. You'll get the right job when the time is right. Just know this time in you life is just a moment when compared to eternity, and this moment will pass.

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  18. One thing you need to remember. It's always darkest before the dawn. Things will get better, no matter how bleak things are right now.

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  19. I've been there :-/ Have you considered maybe clerking for a bit? A lot of the attorney jobs in my area come from clerking. You're bright and have a great personality so I have faith that good things are coming your way!

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  20. Don't know where you are located or what your field is...but I'm 24, and have been making ends meet trying to make it on my own. I am in the start-up industry and startups are always looking for creatives/people who are willing to work hard/outside of the box. I'm new to your blog and obviously don't know you, but give a look at angel.co its for start ups but you can put your experience/resume on there and it is a great platform for job searching. I hope you find something soon but also hope you dont give up on blogging! It can be a great outlet, I have battled a similar experience and through blogging I was able to find connections and the support i needed. :D Keep your head up girl!
    Xx
    Lauren M.
    Make it a Double Please

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  21. Being unemployed sucks. It took me 18months from finishing my degree to starting employment in my field, so I can sympathise with where you are right now. It may not feel like it at the moment, but things will eventually work out. If you want good advice on job applications/resumes/all that soul crushing stuff, check out askamanager.org - I found that very useful when I was trying to write cover letters without sounding like a wanker and trying to figure out what those awful vague 'we are considering your application' emails mean.

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  22. You are NOT your job - your write a fabulous blog, for one thing! We've got to find a way to collectively, as a culture, learn to define people by the full range of their life and qualities, and not just what they do for a living...

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