Friday, June 21, 2013

Outfit of the Day | Fear

Shirt: apt. 9 via Kohl's | Shorts: Target | Sandals: BCBGeneration via TJMaxx | Cuff: Charlotte Russe | Necklace: F21 | Earrings: Target

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
- Marianne Williamson, as adapted in Coach Carter, as you other sports movie junkies surely know

So I bounced out on blogging for a few days (hand slap!) but I needed a happy break and that break came in the form of Six Flags and a Cards/Cubs game, which is funny because I hate roller coasters (not an unfounded fear - just ask Fabio) and I could not possibly follow baseball less, but who am I to say no to psychological torture?

And the funny part is, after I literally kind of cried on a kiddy coaster, it was awesome. (Before you ask, yes, I eventually graduated to big kid rides. I IS AN ADULTZ) Which means I've spent the better part of my life being afraid of something that I'm not afraid of anymore. That is neat. 

My life is a whole giant collection of fears right now. That I won't pass the bar, that I cannot memorize all of this shit because there is simply not enough room in my brain, that even if I do pass I won't find a job, that even if I do find a job I won't ever make enough to see the day I'm not in debt, that I'll never be happy, that I'll end up having to admit defeat and go crawling back to my parents' place.

I have no idea when this shit started. I've spent twenty five years not being a failure and I don't have any pressing plans to start now, so I have no idea why I've been setting the bar so low or why I let law school convince me that I'm not going to end up in a life that I like. That's not law school's decision, that's mine.

And so it is with two middle fingers enthusiastically aimed at the bar exam and the employment market that I enter the next 38 days of my life.

What are you afraid of? Let me pep talk you. 
I'm so amped up on caffeine and willpower I'm about to burst.

10 comments

  1. That is a great quote. I'm glad you finally got over your fear of coasters! I think law school has a funny way of making everyone feel like a failure, I've heard friends who went through law school say things very similar to what you're saying here. But as long as you keep those middle fingers up, I think you'll rock it. :) I personally am afraid of being a failure at a lot of things too: being a good mom, a good wife, fear that my life is not interesting enough to blog about, fear of being so alone here in California... Most days it's just a feeling that passes, but sometimes it takes hold and won't let go. I know this is normal, I don't know anyone that isn't afraid of failure on some level, but it's stupid and it sucks. Okay, this ended up being a lot longer than I intended so I'll shut up now. :) (That necklace is really pretty, btw.)

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  2. I soooooo love this post. I needed this right now! Thank you.

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  3. I'm going to law school in the fall, and all the anxiety of it is flooding me already. I think what you're saying is right--if you've spent this much of your life succeeding, why would you fail now? It's good to build confidence that way.

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  4. Girl I just had this same conversation with my husband last night. And every day since graduation. I am so afraid that even if I pass the bar and find a job (God willing) I'm going to hate it like I hated law school and will be miserable forever. I think it's also really difficult to be optimistic during bar study haha. If all else fails, we can start our own law firm (or event planning company if we fail the bar). I'm also really really terrified of bugs. Like, I let my dog outside on his leash, but I close the door on the leash and stay inside while he does his business because I am SO terrified of wasps. Wish I was kidding about that one....And amen for 1.5x speed on Kaplan lectures!!

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  5. I don't know much about the bar exam even though I have a few friends about to take them, but I am sure you will be perfectly fine! :) I actually am scared of applying to go back to grad school because I'm worried I won't be accepted into the program I want. But I've never let myself fail before, so I don't know why if I don't put in the work, why it wouldn't turn out well. Failure is just such a huge fear!

    Adorable outfit :) I love that necklace!

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  6. Agreed. The End.

    xox Megan
    allthatglitters810.wordpress.com

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  7. My super duper highintelligent sassy nugget Miauher, your thoughts will make you to become the person you think you are. As you defending against things in your life with your fears, you are bringing the very thing you don't want to you. Instead, focus all your energy on the out come you want, succeedding your bar exam, getting THE job you want and having all the money you need to pay off your loans and a walking closet with lots of Heels, bag etc.. :-)

    You have to persist to succeed and you will. Dont let your fears overcome, they do with me quiete often too and then I tell them to fuck off and concentrate on the bright side of life and what I WANT.

    Hau rein- keep it up and CHAKA LAKA BOOM you will be the miauish lawyer in couple of weeks.

    Ani

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  8. Girl, you are going to ROCK the bar! You already know SOOO much more than you think you do, so just remember to relax and breath when it comes test time. Things will work out because you are amazing. :-)

    -AJ
    FitTravelerAJ.com

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  9. Thank you for this post, I really needed it! I've been reading your blog for a while but never commented. I have been a huge ball of stress (and then some) for last few weeks because I keep getting worse and worse on my checkpoint quizzes (I'm taking the Georgia bar)! I've had that constant feeling that I'm going to fail, but I've never failed at anything before so why start now? I think it's just because law school is designed to break us down to weed out the people who can't handle it (but it probably doesn't help that I've been spending like 12 hours a day trying to make my brain remember all this stuff from 3 years ago). So I will join you in giving a big FU to the fear that is the bar exam (and job market... one step at a time)!!

    37 days to go!

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  10. I love love love the quote and your cobalt blouse. Great outfit from head to
    toe.

    XO, Gina
    http://classyeverafter.blogspot.com

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